Yes yes I have been silent for many months but you can blame that on the 9-5 working life I am currently living at my internship. I started this blog almost 5 years ago as a way to document the things happening in my life and to use it as a diary of sorts. Since then, my life has had many ups and downs and a lot of that has been documented here. Today, we carry that on.

So like, I really thought 2017 was hard and then 2018 came along and holy shit, this year has tested me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. This year, my family and I have been locked out of our house for not paying rent on 3 separate occasions (for roughly 7 days each time), had no electricity in our house for 3 months, had our water cut off about 5 times, I’ve had to allow the storage company keeping my boxes in Australia to dispose of my belongings for lack of payment and had my phone contract cancelled and debt collectors email me to ‘pay my bill or else’. Now, to be honest, being home has made things somewhat easier and I really do feel like if I could have survived everything that happened in my life last year all alone halfway across the world in Australia, I can handle anything and that’s something I have to constantly remind myself, especially on the extremely hard days.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very lucky and blessed in many ways but my life is also very difficult right now and I have had to go through a lot of things that most people around me do not particularly understand. I like to think of myself as a very strong person, mostly because I have had to be that way to keep myself from combusting into 10000 little pieces when bad things happen (which, in the last 5 years has basically been every few weeks). However, sometimes everything is far too much for one singular Debra to handle. Being someone who suffers from anxiety, when times get tough, it can become rather crippling and it takes a lot of brain power to pull myself out of that. Luckily for me, I have the best family and friends on the planet who help me along with that. I am very aware that not everyone has a good support system like I do.

Sometimes the strongest among us are the ones who smile through silent pain

I named this post ‘not all that glitters is gold’ to remind us of something we all know but sometimes forget. Social media is nothing but a highlights reel of someones life and it’s very easy to forget that behind all the smiles and cute captions, there is a real person who has real life shit going on. I, for one, am not one to necessarily air my dirty laundry out in public (I realise i’m saying this while writing a blog post that is literally airing my dirty laundry, but you get what I mean) and because of this, to people who are not in my inner circle, my life looks incredible 100% of the time because of the things I choose to post. But just because I do not post about the negative things happening in my life doesn’t mean they’re not happening, and the same goes for everyone else on social media. So the next time you’re scrolling through your timeline and you see someone who has a seemingly ‘perfect’ life, just take a second to remember that not all that glitters is gold, homie.

I am writing this blog post at a time in my life that is filled with uncertainty. Uncertainty on whether I will have a home to live in next month, whether or not my Australian visa will be cancelled before I get a chance to go back to Melbourne and most heartbreaking of all to me, whether or not I will be going back to university. Some people find it hard to understand that not being able to finish my degree is deeply troubling to me and although everyone is entitled to their own opinion, their opinion on this particular situation is stupid and they can shove it. After struggling to go to university for 2 and a half years after high school and then finishing first year and being forced to take an entire year off, yes, getting my degree(s) is VERY important to me. I have faith that it will happen one day. When, however, is still a question that is up in the air.

I am not writing this to have everyone feel bad for me or for it to come off as me complaining about how ‘shit’ my life is for the 100th time. My blog is an outlet and a way for me to speak on the things happening in my life right now so that one day I can look back and be proud of how far I’ve come.

For now, we keep on keeping on and hoping that everything really does happen for a reason (or at least it fucking better, I got it tattooed on my arm).

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